Just wanted to give a shutout to my dawg Dr Malcolm Brynin, at the University of Essex.
He wrote about relationships in a new book (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/18/relationships-love to learn about it).
Dr Brynin states that "Adults in successful long-term partnerships are those who have taken a calm, pragmatic view of what they need from a relationship". It's true...because successful partnerships are defined as long-lasting; not as fulfilling.
Dr Love's researches show that when choosing a partner, people place too much importance on stability and the ease of everyday life. I believe that relationships are not meant to be comfortable (not that it is wrong if they are) but are rather meant to be exhilarating. It's like taking a bath with your lover; you don't do it because it is going to be comfortable (let's face it, it won't be) or because they'll be able to reach spots in your back that you can reach with the soap bar. You take baths because it's a moment of great tenderness, complicity, vulnerability and sensuality (who cares if you're not really as clean after as you'd be if you had taken a shower).
Please don't listen too much to people talking about the merits of stability and about removing spontaneity in your life; you might end up forgetting about the pleasure of having chocolate ice cream on your french toasts for breakfast...
Conclusion: The University of Essex ain't bad but it has nothing on the University of Love.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Sexiness is underrated, kissing is overrated
I was reading a friends email regarding her date with this dude she has been seeing but that she was not really into (one of those, he's nice, smart, polite, clean....but "I don't want to beast him").
As she was describing the "dude" making his move, my eyes came across this line:
"I decided hey- might as well make out with him. I thought that perhaps my feelings would change with a little bit of action. Alas, that was not to be. While not a thoroughly bad kisser, he was nothing exceptional, and definitely nothing passionate."
There lies one of the great misconception of the dating world: great kissers.
Of course, you may run across a few awful kissers who will slurp all over your face or someone so tensed that it feels like kissing a corpse, but don't expect a first kiss to make you fall in love with someone you are only moderately attracted to because kissing is overrated.
My researches show that 92.5% of what constitutes a great kiss has to do with your feeling towards the person just before you make out (within a 2.5% interval 19 times out of 20), not the actual moves he pulls out with his tongue and lips.
Unfortunately, as we get older, as the total number of people we have kissed keeps going up, as we get more sarcastic at our chances of meeting the perfect partner, and as we start caring more and more about other stuff (job, money, cars, kids, age, new couch, size of our ass/pectorals, carbon footprints,...) we get more and more cautious at everything and we refuse the excitement that we may feel towards someone we barely know; and therefore: we negate the sexiness of the first kiss (sobbing).
Dr Love believes that kisses are best enjoyed: hidden behind a friends house, in the laudry room of a building during a party, or on the corner of an empty street during a snow storm. What makes for a divine first kiss is the irresistible desire to grab someone, the feeling we get when we look at each other and the quenching feel you get when you make out for the first time; so strong that it makes you oblivious to what the other is actually doing to your mouth (whether it is a soft and tender kiss on the lips or the passionate removal of your old fillings).
The Dr's recipe for a great first kiss: It starts with someone you are crazy about (even if he may not end up being the perfect man/mecanic/housecleaner/dad/listener/boyscout/swim teacher/or for parallel parking), then you allow yourself to truly get touch by the person, you do not over-analyse the situation and you let your passion for someone take control of yourself.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Dr Love is french and therefore, a naturally good kisser (it is in the genes).
P.S. If you have any questions or comments for Dr Love, please write to askdoctorlurve@gmail.com and you'll get your answer/ comment posted on the website in the following days.
As she was describing the "dude" making his move, my eyes came across this line:
"I decided hey- might as well make out with him. I thought that perhaps my feelings would change with a little bit of action. Alas, that was not to be. While not a thoroughly bad kisser, he was nothing exceptional, and definitely nothing passionate."
There lies one of the great misconception of the dating world: great kissers.
Of course, you may run across a few awful kissers who will slurp all over your face or someone so tensed that it feels like kissing a corpse, but don't expect a first kiss to make you fall in love with someone you are only moderately attracted to because kissing is overrated.
My researches show that 92.5% of what constitutes a great kiss has to do with your feeling towards the person just before you make out (within a 2.5% interval 19 times out of 20), not the actual moves he pulls out with his tongue and lips.
Unfortunately, as we get older, as the total number of people we have kissed keeps going up, as we get more sarcastic at our chances of meeting the perfect partner, and as we start caring more and more about other stuff (job, money, cars, kids, age, new couch, size of our ass/pectorals, carbon footprints,...) we get more and more cautious at everything and we refuse the excitement that we may feel towards someone we barely know; and therefore: we negate the sexiness of the first kiss (sobbing).
Dr Love believes that kisses are best enjoyed: hidden behind a friends house, in the laudry room of a building during a party, or on the corner of an empty street during a snow storm. What makes for a divine first kiss is the irresistible desire to grab someone, the feeling we get when we look at each other and the quenching feel you get when you make out for the first time; so strong that it makes you oblivious to what the other is actually doing to your mouth (whether it is a soft and tender kiss on the lips or the passionate removal of your old fillings).
The Dr's recipe for a great first kiss: It starts with someone you are crazy about (even if he may not end up being the perfect man/mecanic/housecleaner/dad/listener/boyscout/swim teacher/or for parallel parking), then you allow yourself to truly get touch by the person, you do not over-analyse the situation and you let your passion for someone take control of yourself.
Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Dr Love is french and therefore, a naturally good kisser (it is in the genes).
P.S. If you have any questions or comments for Dr Love, please write to askdoctorlurve@gmail.com and you'll get your answer/ comment posted on the website in the following days.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Dr Love Intro
A man once said:
"Happiness is like a cat sleeping on your lap. You can't force it to come to you and you can't force it to stay with you."
I like to believe that love is the opposite. That it isn't a quiet comfort, but rather a storm like force, an intense burning desire to get or to hold on to something.
AskDoctorLurve.blogspot.com is not a clinic where someone tells you what to think, do or feel; it is a tribune, where everyone is invited to share on the greatest thing on earth.
Hello, I'm Dr Love.
People have been asking me: what makes you Dr love? Other than my awesome looks, exceptional bedroom performances and sexy french accent (warning you about bad semantic), I am not privy to any special information. I believe that the road to love is paved with honesty. The road to your future lover's heart is through honest, looking into the eyes, sharing of your feelings without holding back. Pride, flabby abs and ego are some of the main obstacles in the path to true love.
This blog is an occasion for all of us to share on love and to work at expressing our feelings as honestly and freely as possible. This blog is anonymus. You don't know who I am and i don't know who you are. So let's get naked and share.
"Happiness is like a cat sleeping on your lap. You can't force it to come to you and you can't force it to stay with you."
I like to believe that love is the opposite. That it isn't a quiet comfort, but rather a storm like force, an intense burning desire to get or to hold on to something.
AskDoctorLurve.blogspot.com is not a clinic where someone tells you what to think, do or feel; it is a tribune, where everyone is invited to share on the greatest thing on earth.
Hello, I'm Dr Love.
People have been asking me: what makes you Dr love? Other than my awesome looks, exceptional bedroom performances and sexy french accent (warning you about bad semantic), I am not privy to any special information. I believe that the road to love is paved with honesty. The road to your future lover's heart is through honest, looking into the eyes, sharing of your feelings without holding back. Pride, flabby abs and ego are some of the main obstacles in the path to true love.
This blog is an occasion for all of us to share on love and to work at expressing our feelings as honestly and freely as possible. This blog is anonymus. You don't know who I am and i don't know who you are. So let's get naked and share.
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